20 Blind Men Jokes-Fuuny Life Fun Of The Day

20 Blind Men Jokes

Two fraud men go up to 20 blind men and say "Do you want to go on holiday?" The blind men reply "yeah of course" 

So the blind men give the fraud men 2000 each. 

The fraud men drive them up to blackpool and put them on the beach, and then go to the pub, 

Whilst there they think that the blind men are going to get bored. 

So they buy them a ball and give it to them. The blind men go "Whats this?" "Its a ball," replies one of the fraud men 

"Well we cant see it!" The fraud men think shit what we gonna do, they spot a donkey with bells round its neck so they go and buy sum bells and wrap them round the ball, and then go back the pub. Just then an old woman walks in and says "I tell you what the world today its demented" 

"Why?" ask the fraud men. "Because theres 20 blind men kicking shit through a donkey on the beach!" 

Dolly Parton Jokes

Dolly Parton 

Q: Do you know what size of shoe Dolly Parton wears? 

A: .....Neither does she. 

Q: What do you get when you put Bill Clinton, 

Al Gore and Dolly Parton in the same room? 

A: Two boobs and a country singer.  

Q: Did you hear about Dolly Parton passing out on stage? 

A: It took four guys to carry her off -- two abreast.  

Q. Dolly Parton has been rumored to be a lesbian, so why do she and her husband remain married? 

A. So he won't suffer from post-Parton depression. 

Q. How can you spot Dolly's children in a crowd? 

A. They're the ones with stretch marks round their mouths.  

Q: What do you call dumbass fans who can't understand the concept of humour? 

A: Dollyfans 

Q: Why does Dolly have small feet? 

A: Everything grows smaller in the shade. 

Q: What do you get when you pour water down Dolly Parton's chest? 

A: Islands in the Stream 

Q: What do you call people who defend Dolly Parton? 

A: Unfortunately deaf 

Q: What do you call people who make mean jokes about Dolly Parton? 

A: Jealous Ass-holes  

Q: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? 

A: Dolly Parton with a chest cold. 

Q: What do you call Dolly Parton doing the backstroke? 

A: Islands in the Stream 

Give Me A Beer --Life Fun

Give Me A Beer 

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. 

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him. 

The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door. 

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. 

The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him. 

The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. 

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. 

He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink. 

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. 

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries 

"Man! How many bars do you work at?" 

19 Clues For Calling It A Night--Life Funy Jokes

For the Ladies: 19 CLUES FOR CALLING IT A NIGHT 

1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are. 

2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room. 

3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's ass 

4. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago. 

5. You drop your 3:00AM burrito on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating. 

6. You start crying. 7

. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work. 

8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.

 9. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher 

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming. 

11. You've forgotten where you live. 

12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you've        smoked, because (as you've mentioned like 10 times by now) you only smoke when you drink. 

13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just tonic, but that's just because you can no longer taste the gin or vodka. 

14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza. 

15. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..." 

16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it. 

17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves. 

18. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!). 

19. You show your friends that girls can pee standing up if they really want to. 

Ugly Baby Joke--Life Fun

Ugly Baby Joke

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said.

"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said.

"Here, let me hold your monkey."

Funny Life Quotes--Life Fun

Funny Life Quotes

If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me! 

Anonymous

Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions. 

Anonymous

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE. 

CoolFunnyQuotes

When you're thinking that I'm thinking of you, I'm thinking you're thinking of me. 

Anonymous

Growing up is amazing, until you get old! 

Anonymous

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. 

Mark Twain

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. 

Woody Allen

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right. 

Anonymous

The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm. 

Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 

Anonymous

Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn. 

Robert Kiyosaki

Why Rednecks Make Good Soldiers--Life Fun

Why Rednecks Make Good Soldiers

Dear Ma & Pa:

        Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

        I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water.

        Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

        We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

        The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none.

        This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

        Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.